So much for a clean 2017

[FishSandwich]

In the spirit of Valentine's day, I present to you: the legendary saga of old.

Breadcrumbs in the sheets
a RoseLock x Swimshroom fanfiction

Skillfully written by FishSandwich. Don't question it.

Chapter 1

It was a cold, dark wednesday morning in spawn. The dew that evaporated from the funky fields as the rays of the sun hit them covered the plains in a light gray layer of fog. The whole town smelt like a fresh broccoli stew because of this. But one other, distinct smell penetrated the glorious wallow of fresh vegetables. Yeast, with a dash of cinnamon and pumpkin spice. It was indeed local blond bombshell RoseLock, proud owner of the TwoTwoOne Bakery, which I think is a pun or something but I don’t get the name at all. But I digress.

She was slaving away in the kitchen, preparing yet another batch of pumpkin pies to feed the masses of spawn. Even though the sun was just reaching over the horizon like a midget trying to grab a pack of oatmeal from the top shelf at the super market, she had already been working for hours. She was exhausted, and her breathing was heavy and quick. Which each inhale, her chest bounced ever so slightly like a kid with a broken leg on a bouncy castle. She had a small splatter of fresh dough on the left of her mouth where she could just not reach it with her tongue. She could’ve used her hands, but for whatever reason, she did not. I guess this can be considered a major plot hole.

Speaking of mayors and holes, lawful mayor Swimshroom had just awoken in his castle. He had just won yet another successful election, because there wasn’t really anyone who had any decent plans or even use for the position, but he just happened to be the first on the list so everybody voted for him out of pure laziness. He tied with a polar bear for fuck’s sake. At least the current candidates for US presidency know how they’re going to fuck up the country. Anyways, Swim, sleeping naked as the day he was born, lifted himself out of bed. His rough muscles, even without oiling, glistened in the morning sun. His silhouette was sharp and manly, like the shape of a Greek God or a gorilla dragging around a kid. His sweaty cock stood upright and tall. “His cock” of course being the rooster he used as an alarm clock substitute. Why it was sweaty despite chickens’ inability to sweat, we’ll never know.

As Swim got dressed in his mayoral gown, he picked up the scent from the TwoTwoOne Bakery. Despite being confused by the name, he knew Rose’s pumpkin pie through and through, and immediately called his aide to get him a slice. “Yoeppy, at once!” Mayor Swimshroom yelled. Yoeppy had been at Swim’s side ever since he had dropped out of the election. According to him, all he wanted was a banner. After that, the two of them built the luxurious castle in northern spawn that they resided in. However, this autumn morning, Yoeppy was nowhere to be found. Swim, disappointed, set out to get a slice for himself.

Swimshroom arrived at the bakery. He swung open the sturdy spruce doors and walked inside. Surprisingly, he found nobody behind the counter. He cleared his throat loudly to get the attention of anyone in the back. “Just a moment!” Rose yelled as she started taking out the last few pumpkin pies. Swimshroom glanced around the room. In the corner was a dog chewing on its own tail. Swim walked over and gave the animal a scratch behind the ear. From his collar dangled a small, bone-shaped name tag that read “Moonmoon”. Swimshroom thought it was a pretty good name for a dog chewing on its own tail.

“How can I help you today?” a sweet, soft voice spoke from behind his back. The sound engulfed his eardrum like vanilla in a sorority house. Mayor Swimshroom turned around to demand a slice of delicious pumpkin pie, only to be stunned by beauty. In front of him, behind the counter, was the most beautiful being he had ever had the honor of laying his eyes on. Except maybe that entrecote he had yesterday. That looked pretty sexy as well.

Swimshroom stammered as he tried to get the words out of his mouth, but all he wanted to do with lips was press them against hers. “Is everything alright? Are you having a stroke?” Rose asked. She thought the man was very good-looking, but now that he started what could only be defined as the sound a living gargoyle would probably make as it’s spewing out water, she was less attracted to the man. Suddenly, she realized who was opposite of her. “Oh my, Mayor Swimshroom, what an honour to have you inside!” she said, as she wondered how a mentally disabled person tied for mayoral position with a polar bear.

Swimshroom, ashamed of his sudden inability to speak, turned as red as a beetroot. He got into a coughing fit from choking on his own words, but eventually recovered. “One slice of pumpkin pie,” the mayor spoke as he rubbed the back of his neck, “please.” Rose smirked. He wasn’t as incompetent as she guessed. His showing of imperfectness actually made him seem approachable to her. “Okay, coming right up,” Rose giggled. Swim wanted to spark up a conversation just so he could hear more of her sweet soft voice, caressing his ear canal. Alas, she had already disappeared back into the kitchen, but not before mayor Swimshroom could get a perfectly angled look at her behind. It was the ideal distribution of roundness and plumpness, like any anaconda would want.

While she was in the kitchen, Swim took of his jacket, revealing the tightly fitting tee underneath. With his arms exposed and the lining of his body much sharper, he looked like the epitome of male attractiveness. Rose strutted out of the kitchen with a plate for the mayor, her hips swaying side to side. As she glanced over at him, she almost dropped the plate, but she managed to restore her composure at the last second. “H-here is your pumpkin pie, sir,” Rose stammered. She felt a heavy beating within her chest, and a tingling in her underside. It was, of course, the egg-timer in her pocket, but at the time she did not realize this.

Mayor Swim knew he impressed her, as her mouth was ever so slightly ajar, and her eyes were unable to focus on any specific part of his body and instead looked like they were trying to take in every inch of his rugged manliness. He grinned as he carefully took the plate from her hands. At one moment, the tips of the fingers touched. They both looked up and their eyes were locked for what lasted only a second, but felt like an eternity, in which everything about their attraction for each other had been said. With nothing but an exchange of gazes, followed by a nod, Mayor Swimshroom left the Bakery, lovestruck.

Chapter 2

As dusk started to fall on spawn, Mayor Swimshroom sat on the side of king size bed, preparing for yet another sleepless night. It had been a week since he had gone to the TwoTwoOne Bakery, and since that faithful day, he could think about nothing else but her. He couldn’t sleep or eat, except of course some pumpkin pie. His faithful servant yoeppy had returned again, who was out deep sea diving that day. Now that he was back, Mayor Swimshroom didn’t want to go to the bakery again. His feelings for Rose would become too obvious if he went, despite his servant being right there. He needed a plan.

Meanwhile, over at the Bakery, Rose was still lovestruck as well. At night, she dreamt of being with the mayor, and during the day, she hoped he would walk through those spruce doors, flexing his strong, manly arms, ready to envelop her like a wasp is enveloped by orange soda just as it realizes it fucked up. Alas, every morning, like clockwork, yoeppy walked in by his lonesome to get a slice for the mayor. Rose was worried Swim wanted nothing to do with her. Did she stare at him too long? Was he creeped out by her? Did he not find her attractive in the slightest?

Just as she was about to close her eyes for another night of Swimshroom-filled dreams, she was surprised by a loud, crashing sound nearby. It was the construction site next door, where work would take place at the oddest times. The building, whatever its purpose, was almost done, thankfully. Soon she could enjoy her dreams without being interrupted. She put in some earplugs and went to sleep.

As the sun’s rays sneaked through the small cracks in her window, Rose started awakening again. “Mayor Swimshroom, not in public… hmm…” she moaned, before she fully waked and realized it was just another dream. She looked at the clock. Late again. The periodic wake ups inbetween her exciting dreams made her miss a lot of her usual rest, and she would often oversleep. She looked through the small window in her bedroom, only to see a grand opening banner alongside the building next door. Finally, construction was done! She figured she might as well say hello to her new neighbor after she was done baking.

As Spawn was once again filled with cinnamon and pumpkin spice, a sharply dressed man admired the fruit of his labors. After weeks of work, he finally fulfilled his lifelong dream; his own restaurant. He placed his hands on his hips, accenting the tone of his body. He was not as muscular as Mayor Swimshroom, but still muscular, just with a more emphasized natural body shape. Broad shoulders and a tight behind, like a regular pretty boy. His hands were callused from working day and night on his new livelihood, stacking stones and nailing wood. But wood was not the only thing he would nail in that town. He just didn’t know it yet.

“A mighty fine establishment you got there,” a voice spoke behind him. The sharply dressed man turned around, his dark blonde hair shimmering in the dawn’s light. Before him stood another sharply dressed man, yet wearing an unfitting green hat. It appeared to be a couple sizes to big as well, up to the point where it might as well cover the entirety of his head. “I’m Yoeppy,” the hat-wearing gentleman spoke, “I don’t think I’ve seen you around before, what’s your name?”

“The name’s Fish Sandwich, but you can call me Fish. It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Fish replied, with a smirk across his face. He reached his hand out to Yoeppy, who gladly shook it. Fish cleared his throat, “Could I perhaps interest you in a fresh batch of fried chicken? Free of charge.” Yoeppy grinned, “I’d never say no to food, especially free food.”

As Yoeppy gnawed down on the most delicious chicken he had ever tasted, Rose sighed as she plopped down the last piece of dough on her counter. As it landed, it bounced a little, like some sort of round, fleshy object. Not sturdy flesh though, whatever this fleshy object would be would be soft. Perhaps some sort of milk producing glands. Big, alluring, milk producing glands. With her lack of sleep, Rose could barely get in the work she used to, and she was already behind schedule. For whatever reason, Yoeppy hadn’t even come by though, who was usually her only customer in the early morning. Might as well go for a stroll around town, she thought to herself.

“C’mon boy, let’s go for a walk!” Rose said as she put on her coat. Moonmoon interrupted his poop eating session to look up, and after half a minute had gone by remembering what a walk was again, he was excited and ready to go, as he leaped over to the door and skidded for a halt on the carpet when his snout was only an inch away. He licked away a small remainder of dogshit with his tongue. “Good boy,” Rose said, as she pushed open the doors. As she closed the door behind her, she flipped the sign saying she would be back in a bit. She continued on her walk with Moonmoon, who had seemed to pick up a delicious meaty scent. Moonmoon bounced in the direction of the scent’s origin, and Rose let Moonmoon guide her.

She looked around spawn. The foliage around the lake was blooming ever so beautiful, even though it was already well into autumn. The sight of the large willows around it always cheered her up. She made a mental note to herself to send the landscaper Lucifur a cake as a thank-you gift. As she tried to come up with a witty pun to put on the cake, she tripped on something. It was of course, loyal fuck up, Moonmoon. He had decided to lay down in the middle of the town.

As she scratched her head and tried to get up, she saw a hand reaching out to help her up. She glanced up at the good Samaritan, but with the sun rising just behind them, the person was but a silhouette to Rose. However, she could clearly see it was a big, strong man. Well-dressed, with a sleek hair cut. Beside the man, she could clearly see another, skinny man wearing a big hat. That could only be Mayor Swimshroom’s servant, Yoeppy. That must mean the big, attentive man trying to help her up was Mayor Swimshroom. She gladly took his hand, and as she did, an electricity coursed through her body, like something she had never felt before. It caressed every square of her body, from her pillowy lips to her well-toned thighs. At that moment, she knew, he was the one. Only Mayor Swimshroom could make her feel this way.

As Rose was pulled up with just one arm, she was once again impressed with Mayor Swimshroom’s strength. His big, manly arms always looked sturdy and dependable, but to actually be carried away by them was a dream up until that point. She was sure she was even lifted off the ground for a short second, like a little kid trying to prove his non-bouncing ball was, in fact a bouncy ball. It very clearly wasn’t, but it got about an inch of the ground, so it’s a bouncy ball according to the kid. Once she was on her feet again, she needed to catch her breath. The fall wasn’t exactly exhausting, but simply being so pleasantly surprised by Mayor Swimshroom’s presence was enough for her to forget how to breath for a second. She looked up to thank her secret man crush, only to be greeted by an unfamiliar face.

“Are you alright?” The man spoke. His voice was calm and collected, as someone who has had experience with aiding the needy, “that was a pretty bad fall.” He had a curious grin on his face as he clearly enunciated the words ‘pretty bad’, as if he somehow found it kind of hilarious. Rose was at a loss for words. She expected to be smiling into the face of the man of her dreams, but instead she was locked in eye contact with this stranger. His eyes were a deep dark green and pierced her light blue eyes with a stark contrast, as if he was looking straight into her inner being. The electricity that Rose felt when their hands touched sparked up again, which made her realize that she was still holding his hand despite being up on her feet already.

“I-Im fine!” Rose stammered as she quickly pulled away her hand, her face quickly turning so red that she was doing honor to her name. The fact that she felt that electricity, that feeling of being intertwined with her true love, that must surely have been caused by her thinking this person was Mayor Swimshroom. A week ago, when they properly met for the first time, she was sure they were already meant for each other. How could she suddenly harbor those feelings for this complete stranger. Who was he? Where was he from?

“I see you’ve met Fish,” Yoeppy said as he took a quick break from stuffing cock down his throat, “he makes the best fried chicken I have ever tasted, you should try some!” Rose reluctantly accepted the chicken leg Yoeppy handed her and brought it to her mouth. It was like a complete opposite of her baking. It had no distinctive smell until she brought it close to her nose. It had a very sharp and penetrating scent, as if you were suddenly kicked in the ball by an 8 year-old. The combination of herbs and spices made it difficult to tell exactly what was used to coat the meat, but it smelled great. Rose opened her mouth and took a small bite.

For a second she didn’t feel anything, but was then overcome by a burst of flavor. The chicken was hot, like it had come right of the grill, yet the cayenne added another layer of heat on top of that. The smooth taste of paprika filled her mouth, while the slight hint of garlic tickled the underside of her tongue, which was then all topped off by a hint of freshness from a dash of basil added to the recipe. This was by far, the greatest cock she had ever put in her mouth. She whirled her tongue around it to absorb all it’s flavor, before swallowing it. She took a quick breather, but found herself already taking another bite as she wanted more of this delicious meal.

It was indeed completely unlike her expertise; her food was special, every dish original, like a break from people’s mundane lives. It was good because you wouldn’t have it every day. However, the chicken only left you wanting more. It was almost addictive, like not shaving downstairs because you’re not getting laid anyways.

Before she knew it, she had finished her share of the chicken, as did Yoeppy. Both had a hint of sadness across their face. “I should probably get going on my errands,” said Yoeppy, as he ran off towards who-knows-where. “Thanks for coming by!” Fish shouted after him, “if you want more, you know where to find me!” Rose kneeled down and pat Moonmoon on the head, “we should probably get going too.” She continued on her path with big steps as Moonmoon sprinted out in front of her. “Hey, wait, I don’t even know your name!” Fish called after her. Rose grinned and turned around, “It’s Rose, nice to meet you.” She winked and turned around again. Fish crossed his arms and laughed, “of course a beautiful woman has a beautiful name.” Maybe there was more for him in this town than just business.

Rose returned to the bakery and threw her coat over one of the chairs. She thought her current struggle in life would be winning over Swim, but turns out she had to make a choice first.

[FishSandwich]

Chapter 3

“Yoeppy, are you there?” Mayor Swimshroom called out after he stretched his arms. It was another spawn morning, the only time anything relevant seemed to happen in spawn. Swimshroom had another rest in his king-size bed, but he really wished he had someone to share his nights with. He needed to get to Rose, the most beautiful woman he had ever met, he just didn’t know how. Luckily, there’s no pressure, he thought to himself.

“I’m right here sir,” Yoeppy said as he poked his head through the door, “another run through spawn?” Mayor Swimshroom nodded in agreement. “A slice of pumpkin pie I’m assuming?” Yoeppy continued. Once again, Swimshroom nodded, “as always. Oh, and say hi to Rose for me.”

“Would you like some fried chicken as well?” Yoeppy asked, “there is this new restaurant in town that has the best fried chicken I have ever tasted.” Mayor Swimshroom pondered. Wasn’t it a  little too early to be consuming copious amounts of cock? However, Yoeppy interrupted his thought process “And Rose certainly seemed to like it as well. Although, perhaps, she was more interested in the man selling it to her.”

Mayor Swimshroom perked up from his bed. Not having dressed yet, his bare, muscled chest peeked out from under the covers. The dawn showered through the bay window in his bedroom perfectly, accentuating the general T-shape that every man wish he had, and every woman wished her man had. The shadows his abs created only brought them out more. Yoeppy looked at him oddly, but Mayor Swimshroom quickly attempted to regain his lai-back posture.

“A-and, whos is this man?” Swimshroom stammered. If somebody else made a pass at Rose before he could, his world would fall apart. He would see no other reason to keep on living. In fact, he would probably tear down his entire castle in rage if such a thing happened. “His name is Fish, very sharply dressed and handsome,” Yoeppy explained, “I’m not gay, but I’d take his cock any time, if you know what I mean.”

Mayor Swimshroom’s face started to slowly advance to a shade of red. He was overcome with both feelings of rage, jealousy, and betrayal. Who did this Fish guy think he was, making a move on his dream girl? There is not a chance in heaven they were meant for each other. The spark that jumped between his mayoral self and Rose was like no other, and he saw that she felt that same spark that very day. How could she suddenly harbor feelings for another man?

Meanwhile, in her bakery, Rose was thinking the very same. She thought she was in love with Mayor Swimshroom, how could this stranger make her feel this way? She imagined the two man, side by side, and compared them. Mayor Swimshroom was a lot broader, and his face conveyed trust and loyalty. Fish was less broad, but slightly taller than mayor Swimshroom. Now that she compared the two, she actually noticed Swimshroom was kind of short for his posture, almost like a dwarf.

Her decision-making was put a quick halt however, when the smell of burning dough entered her noise. “Oh no, I left another batch in the oven for too long!” she screamed to herself, as she rushed to the kitchen. This was the second time today this had happened. Luckily, none of these were meant for consumption. She always spent her Sundays trying out new recipes since it she closed up earlier than usual. Of course, there wasn’t a lot of trial involved if all of the bread was as black as the night… or Fish’s suit… or Swimshroom’s mayoral gown… and she was once again off to her little dream world.

This time however, it wasn’t a smell that snapped her out of it, it was a noise. There was a knock on the door. Who would come by the bakery on a Sunday, don’t they know the place is closed. As she walked over to the door, her hips swaying like a meandering river, she was wondering how she had to make a decision. Swim was definitely the man of her dreams and she could spend eternity with him. However, Fish was something she couldn’t describe, and he would make her life exciting until the very end. A relationship with him might not last forever, but at last he seemed to be interested in her as well, while Swim showed nothing of the sorts. The first one to make a move is the lucky guy, she thought to herself.

She opened the door, and surprisingly, looked into the face of her new neighbor. “Oh, uh, hello, sorry, we’re closed.” Fish grinned, “although I’d love one of your pies sometime, I actually came for you.” Rose blushed a little. Even though what he said wasn’t necessarily smooth, the sentence rolled of his tongue so elegantly. It was like his words were caressing her every corner.

“S-Sure, what’s up?” she stammered. While Fish’s speech only seemed to improve when Rose was near, Rose somehow forgot how to speak at the start of every sentence she attempted in his presence.

“Well, you see, I don’t know a lot of people in this town,” Fish begun, his low voice echoing through the bakery as he made his way inside, “so I was thinking I would go to the town gathering this evening.”

“Oh, you mean the music festival?” Rose asked. The words come rolling of her tongue easier now that it was clear that Fish was simply here to make casual conversation. “Yes, yes, the music festival,” Fish continued, “I saw a pamphlet of it somewhere, right next to one of those notices for the Church of Dickbutt. I was hoping to meet some interesting people there, but I’d hate to go alone, so, that’s where you come in.” Fish turned his head and looked Rose in the eyes again, like when they first met. Immediately, Rose melted again as her heart started beating. Anything for him.

“I was hoping that, maybe, you could accompany me tonight?” Fish asked. Rose blushed and looked down at her shoes as much as she could, but her chest was mostly in the way, like standing in line behind two bald train conductors who were slightly shorter than you. She actually already had plans for tonight, watching Netflix in her pajamas while eating ice cream, but she could probably move that to next Sunday.”S-Sure thing,” Rose managed to mumble. She kept her head down, knowing that if she even looked at Fish she would most likely explode into a spontaneous orgasm. How she hadn’t already the moment she opened the door was a miracle. Fish was truly the epitome of male sexiness.

“I’ll pick you up around 7 then,” Fish said with a very proud grin on his face, “Till then, can’t wait.” He walked down the dirt path back onto the road and went on his way with a little more confidence in his step, something which did not seem possible. Rose closed the door and let out a sigh of relief as she leaned back against the door and slowly slanted down. Guess that’s that then, she thought. Fish approached her first, so he was her choice. The thought was comforting, yet it made her uneasy. She didn’t want to give up hope on Swim yet, even though he hadn’t shown the slightest bit of interest since they met.

Speaking of the devil, Mayor Swimshroom was just on his way through spawn to visit Rose. With this new handsome stranger in town, he had to move fast. He hoped Rose was still there despite the Bakery already being closed for the day. He was nervous, and you could notice it by just looking at the man. He was still as grand and muscled as ever, but hunched over from the stress of the sudden realization that he had a rival, he didn’t look like much.

He walked up the path to the Bakery and swung the doors open. It was supposed to be a knock, but since Rose hadn’t locked the doors yet, he just forced the doors right open. Rose, who was sitting behind the door just a second, flew through the air for a split second before landing face-first into the carpet, a place both Fish and Swim could only ever hope to put their face. She laid there confused for a while, her bum sticking up in the air for Mayor Swimshroom to see, who was bewildered by the picture presented to him. If he even had a train of thought in the first place, it was gone now.

“I-I wanted to… er… S-sorry, I…! D-do you have thyme-have time to ask me a que-ask you a question…? F-From me?” Swimshroom stammered. Even he himself wasn’t sure what he just asked. Rose got to her feet quickly and rubbed her forehead. It was slightly reddish, but it most likely wouldn’t leave a visible bruise. She suddenly forgot all about that as she saw who had just stormed into her bakery.

“M-Mayor Swimshroom! How nice to see you!” Rose exclaimed. She had no clue what to think of his sudden appearance. Was he here to confess his eternal love to her, after which he would ravage her on the counter? In hindsight maybe not the counter as it was covered with flour and she had to work there later and wouldn’t want it to be messy, but the bed maybe. Or was he there to get a piece of pumpkin pie? In which case he would be an idiot, since the bakery was closed already.

“How can I help you, mayor?” Rose continued. Mayor Swimshroom just stared at Rose. He was at a complete loss for words after looking her in the face again after a few weeks. He could not and never would get over the exquisite beauty that was her face. Her blond locks tickling her shoulders, her pillowy pink lips reflecting the sun ever so slightly, her eyes matching the clear blue sky to go with them, her eyelids moisturizing them and her eyelashes breaking off and falling in them. If you asked all great artists in history to come together and paint the perfect woman, they would paint her.

“I… I was wondering,” Mayor Swimshroom finally managed to breathe out, “Would you maybe like to go on a date? With me? Tonight?” He turned red as a beet that got beaten. Rose turned equally red, making it like a wordless agreement on their feelings on each other. However, even though they had locked eyes during the beginning of this conversation, Rose could not helped but shy away from his gaze once he asked the question.

“I’m sorry, I’m already going out with someone tonight…” Rose said quietly. The red color immediately drained from mayor Swimshroom’s face as it turned as white as a teenage boy’s favorite sock. “With whom?” Swimshroom stammered. Rose sighed and answered, “Fish. He’s new in spawn and owns a chicken restaurant… he asked me not too long ago, in fact, you probably saw him on your way here… I’m sorry…” Tears of regret started to build up in both their eyes.

Mayor Swimshroom was at a loss. He was sure Rose was attracted to him too, but now she had settled for someone else. Did he take too long? Meanwhile, Rose thought this would’ve been the moment she waited for, and she had ruined it. She could of course say no to Fish, but what kind of person would that make her? Besides, her feelings for him didn’t just disappear. He still deserved a shot.

Defeated, Swimshroom turned around and left for his castle without saying a word. Rose closed the old spruce doors to the bakery once again and jumped on her bed, burying her face in her pillow and letting out the tears. Why did her love for two men have to make her life so hard?

As evening fell on spawn and the music festival was about to begin, Mayor Swimshroom moped in his throne. “Excuse me,” a voice said from the other room. Mayor Swimshroom looked up and saw Yoeppy carefully peaking through gateway. “Now, sir, I know our relationship is supposed to be strictly work-related,” Yoeppy began, “But I think I know what’s going on, and you can either sit here and weep about it while they start a life together or you can go out there and do something about it.”

Mayor Swimshroom raised up from his throne. His eyes sparkled with a newfound energy. In all his years of service, Yoeppy had never raised his voice to him, but when he did, it refilled him with purpose. “Thank you Yoeppy, you are a true friend,” Swimshroom laughed as he put on his coat, “now if you’ll excuse me, I have to teach a Fish how to Swim.”

[FishSandwich]

Chapter 4

Torchbugs twinkled in the night sky. To the people laying on blankets in the meadow, they were indistinguishable from the bright stars up above. The music festival was starting any second now, a festival that was known as magical throughout the kingdom. While all citizens of spawn attended, there were many visitors from other cities around as well. It was the perfect occasion for getting to known both your neighbor and a stranger, which also sounds like the kind of night that that bitch tiffany from high school would have. Screw you slut, I didn’t like you anyways.

As the audience quieted down, the dimly lit stage took the attention as a tall, sharply dressed man strolled up to the piano in the center. All eyes were focused on him, yet he didn’t break a sweat. He had done this before, and would do it many times more. These people came here to listen to his music, because none could caress the keys like he could. If music was a little kid falling into a zoo exhibit, he was Harambe, people taking out their dicks for him and all. His name was one known by many and hated by few; Funky Swunk.

As Funky seated himself at the small seat in front of the instrument, the viewers fell to a complete silence. They were all anticipating the first key to be gently pressed down, all waiting for that sweet orgasmic feeling of the first note hitting their eardrum, which would then transfer the vibration of the air onto the ossicles and ultimately into the fluid of the cochlea. Now that sounds disgusting, but if narrated over Funky’s musings, it would sound beautiful.

Among the anticipating viewers were Fish and Rose. They sat on a red-and-pink-checkered blanket that Fish had brought. Rose contributed a picnic basket filled to the brim with her delicious baking, including but not limited to banana bread, muffins, croissant, raisin cookies and of course, her classic pumpkin pie. They were sitting on opposites sides of the blanket, although their fingers were intertwined. Fish looked at the stage with a big smirk on his face, probably thinking everything was going well, but Rose’s thoughts were somewhere else. With someone else.

Mayor Swimshroom swung open the door to his grand castle. His longcoat waved in the evening breeze, making him almost look like a superhero. And boy was he feeling like one too. He was done sitting on his throne waiting for good things to happen to him. Finally he was ready to step up and be the man he had to be, and the man Rose would want. It took almost losing her to realize that anything in life worth a damn doesn’t come easy. He stepped forward onto the dirt path towards spawn. He could see the lights from the festival  shining through the canopy of the jungle around the city, but the music had yet to start it seemed. The small bits of gravel mixed in with the trodden grass patches grinded beneath the heavy steps of his boots. “Whoever is in charge of this town should really work on some proper roads,” Mayor Swimshroom said to himself. The irony escaped him for the moment.

As the mighty musician’s hands were brought down, his index finger touched the first key. The start of the music was sudden, yet immediately kept flowing. Like cutting a piece of paper and the scissors start gliding. Rose was once again taken aback by the man’s skill and finesse: The scent of fresh pumpkin pie in the morning she brought on made people smile, but Funky’s music brought pure bliss. As many other members of the audience did, Rose closed her eyes. She was immediately out of this world. She saw herself sitting on a toasted bun drizzled with honey, soaring over a beautiful flower meadow. With every continues key being pressed, the colors of the flowers below changed. If she experienced this feeling while listening to Skrillex, she would certainly get epilepsy.

As Swimshroom approached the festival grounds, he too heard the sweet tunes of the one and only Funky. He was overcome with emotions before, his love for Rose, his anger towards Fish, his desire for ice cream, but all that was washed away by the grand musician’s musings. He stopped dead in his tracks right before walking into the audience. He snooped around the field and spotted Rose and Fish. As mayor Swimshroom looked at the two, he saw nothing but their smiles and their fingers intertwined. Rose seemed to be happy with Fish, was Swimshroom really that selfish to ruin her happiness just to have his own shot at her? Shouldn’t he be happy as long as she was? Maybe it was better if he would bide his time for now. He was about to turn around and disappear back in between the trees, when the music suddenly stopped. He turned around and met eyes with Funky, who was proudly standing on the stage with a microphone in hand.

“Ladies and gentlemen, it looks like we have an unexpected guest! My old friend Swimshroom is here! Come up here!” Funky exclaimed. It was true, Funky and the mayor were old friends. Yoeppy, Swimshroom’s loyal steward, was Funky’s brother after all. Reluctantly, Swimshroom made his way through the crowd up to the stage. Funky reached out a hand and helped Mayor Swimshroom up the stage. He awkwardly waved to his people, not really sure what to say. Not that it mattered, because  once he met eyes with the lovely Rose, he couldn’t even repeat a speech he had rehearsed a thousand times. Her blonde hairs looked even more beautiful in the starlight. Instead of the usual sea of gleaming sunlight, it now looked like an intricate art piece of many different colors and patterns. Every time he saw her, he somehow saw even more beauty in her. While the anger towards Fish and his desire for ice cream were still washed away, his love for Rose came flooding back.

“A round of applause for Funky everyone!” mayor Swimshroom exclaimed. The crowd applauded loudly, but on each of their faces it was clear they just wanted Funky to keep playing. They respected their mayor, but he did not remind them of their childhood innocence and their sourceless happiness. There was a faint hint of impatience in every curve of their mouths, and a rushing stare from every pair of eyes. All, except one. Those deep blue oceans of longing attention that waited for every word Swim would utter. That was the moment he knew for sure he was supposed to be next to her, not that fishy bastard with that stick up his ass. Fuck him and his awesomeness.

“I hope you all enjoy your night,” Swimshroom continued, turning his glare to Fish, “be sure to spend it with the ones you love.” Rose looked down in shame knowing full well the statement was directed towards them. As Swim handed the microphone back to Funky and strode off stage, Rose turned to Fish.

“I’m sorry, but I think I have to call it early tonight,” she whispered, “I don’t feel so good.” The smile on Fish’s face quickly turned into a much less happier expression. After collecting himself again, he nodded understandably. “Want me to walk you home?” he asked, giving Rose a hopeful look. She shook her head and made a B-line for the bakery. As she disappeared between the trees, she heard Funky’s tunes enter her cochlea again. Although the beautiful music beckoned her, she couldn’t look back. Fish stared after her until she disappeared into the night. He tried to lose his emotions in the music, but to no avail.

Watching from a corner of the field, mayor Swimshroom had a mix of feelings about the ordeal he just witnessed. Even though Fish wasn’t the one Rose was supposed to be with, she clearly cared for him. He had filled two people with resentment for each other and him. He hoped Rose would one day understand that he did it for her. He wanted to chase after her, hold her, kiss her passionately and take her to his royal chambers, but he knew it wouldn’t be or feel right. He would have to wait once again, but this time, he would have a plan ready once the time felt right.

Rose dropped down on her bed in the Bakery’s attic. The smell of pumpkin pie had soaked into the wood after all the years of baking, and all it did was remind her of the day she met mayor Swimshroom. She still remembered the way he licked his lips after taking that first bite. That was the last thought she could muster before falling asleep.

Far in the distance, a lonesome cart moved down the dirt road north of spawn. Illuminated by just one torch, very little of the caravan was visible, but the roof of the wagon was painted in an uncommon set of colors. The cart shook as the wheels skipped across the rocks in the road. The faint noise of Funky’s music was drowned out by the splashing of the waves in the ocean.

“Are we almost there?” a soft, femine voice spoke. She sounded annoyed and tired, even though she was sitting on the bench at the front of the cart. The question was answered by a stronger, more masculine voice, “We can see the watch tower from here. We must be close.”

[ClarkZach]

Fantastic writing despite this being the most wtf thing  I've seen all week.

Props

will be waiting for the next chapter