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Messages - Funky_Swunk

121
Community / Re: Dirty dirty smut that fish was making.
December 02, 2016, 06:26:16 am
[shadow=black,right]Breadcrumbs in the sheets
a RoseLock x Swimshroom fanfiction

Skillfully written by FishSandwich. Don't question it.

Chapter 1
It was a cold, dark Wednesday morning in Spawn. The dew that evaporated from the funky fields as the rays of the sun hit them covered the plains in a light gray layer of fog. The whole town smelt like a fresh broccoli stew because of this. But one other, distinct smell penetrated the glorious wallow of fresh vegetables. Yeast, with a dash of cinnamon and pumpkin spice. It was indeed local blond bombshell RoseLock, proud owner of the TwoTwoOne Bakery, which I think is a pun or something but I don’t get the name at all. But I digress.
She was slaving away in the kitchen, preparing yet another batch of pumpkin pies to feed the masses of Spawn. Even though the sun was just reaching over the horizon like a midget trying to grab a pack of oatmeal from the top shelf at the super market, she had already been working for hours. She was exhausted, and her breathing was heavy and quick. With each inhale, her chest bounced ever so slightly like a kid with a broken leg on a bouncy castle. She had a small splatter of fresh dough on the left of her mouth where she could just not reach it with her tongue. She could’ve used her hands, but for whatever reason, she did not. I guess this can be considered a major plot hole.
Speaking of mayors and holes, lawful Mayor Swimshroom had just awoken in his castle. He had just won yet another successful election, because there wasn’t really anyone who had any decent plans or even use for the position, but he just happened to be the first on the list so everybody voted for him out of pure laziness. He tied with a polar bear for fuck’s sake. At least the current candidates for US presidency know how they’re going to mess up the country. Anyways, Swim, sleeping naked as the day he was born, lifted himself out of bed. His rough muscles, even without oiling, glistened in the morning sun. His silhouette was sharp and manly, like the shape of a Greek God or a gorilla dragging around a kid. His sweaty cock stood upright and tall. ‘His cock’ of course being the rooster he used as an alarm clock substitute. Why it was sweaty despite chickens’ inability to sweat, we’ll never know.
As Swim got dressed in his mayoral gown, he picked up the scent from the TwoTwoOne Bakery. Despite being confused by the name, he knew Rose’s pumpkin pie through and through, and immediately called his aide to get him a slice. “Yoeppy, at once!” Mayor Swimshroom yelled. Yoeppy had been at Swim’s side ever since he had dropped out of the election. According to him, all he wanted was a banner. After that, the two of them built the luxurious castle in northern Spawn that they resided in. However, this autumn morning, Yoeppy was nowhere to be found. Swim, disappointed, set out to get a slice for himself.
Swimshroom arrived at the bakery. He swung open the sturdy spruce doors and walked inside. Surprisingly, he found nobody behind the counter. He cleared his throat loudly to get the attention of anyone in the back. “Just a moment!” Rose yelled as she started taking out the last few pumpkin pies. Swimshroom glanced around the room. In the corner was a dog chewing on its own tail. Swim walked over and gave the animal a scratch behind the ear. From his collar dangled a small, bone-shaped name tag that read ‘MoonMoon’. Swimshroom thought it was a pretty good name for a dog chewing on its own tail.
“How can I help you today?” a sweet, soft voice spoke from behind his back. The sound engulfed his eardrum like vanilla in a sorority house. Mayor Swimshroom turned around to demand a slice of delicious pumpkin pie, only to be stunned by beauty. In front of him, behind the counter, was the most beautiful being he had ever had the honor of laying his eyes on. Except maybe that entrecote he had yesterday. That looked pretty sexy as well.
Swimshroom stammered as he tried to get the words out of his mouth, but all he wanted to do with lips was press them against hers. “Is everything alright? Are you having a stroke?” Rose asked. She thought the man was very good-looking, but now that he started what could only be defined as the sound a living gargoyle would probably make as it’s spewing out water, she was less attracted to the man. Suddenly, she realized who was opposite of her. “Oh my, Mayor Swimshroom, what an honor to have you inside!” she said, as she wondered how a mentally disabled person tied for mayoral position with a polar bear.
Swimshroom, ashamed of his sudden inability to speak, turned as red as a beetroot. He got into a coughing fit from choking on his own words, but eventually recovered. “One slice of pumpkin pie,” the mayor spoke as he rubbed the back of his neck, “please.” Rose smirked. He wasn’t as incompetent as she guessed. His showing of imperfectness actually made him seem approachable to her. “Okay, coming right up,” Rose giggled. Swim wanted to spark up a conversation just so he could hear more of her sweet soft voice, caressing his ear canal. Alas, she had already disappeared back into the kitchen, but not before mayor Swimshroom could get a perfectly angled look at her behind. It was the ideal distribution of roundness and plumpness, like any anaconda would want.
While she was in the kitchen, Swim took off his jacket, revealing the tightly fitting tee underneath. With his arms exposed and the lining of his body much sharper, he looked like the epitome of male attractiveness. Rose strutted out of the kitchen with a plate for the mayor, her hips swaying side to side. As she glanced over at him, she almost dropped the plate, but she managed to restore her composure at the last second. “H-here is your pumpkin pie, sir,” Rose stammered. She felt a heavy beating within her chest, and a tingling in her underside. It was, of course, the egg-timer in her pocket, but at the time she did not realize this.
Mayor Swim knew he impressed her, as her mouth was ever so slightly ajar, and her eyes were unable to focus on any specific part of his body and instead looked like they were trying to take in every inch of his rugged manliness. He grinned as he carefully took the plate from her hands. At one moment, the tips of the fingers touched. They both looked up and their eyes were locked for what lasted only a second, but felt like an eternity, in which everything about their attraction for each other had been said. With nothing but an exchange of gazes, followed by a nod, Mayor Swimshroom left the Bakery, love-struck.
[/shadow]
122
https://vine.co/v/bxaUvHjFhbI


PS: Do we have to rename Spawn now?
123
General Discussion / Re: credit card dumps
December 01, 2016, 02:14:23 pm
Dick pics to stevendal@mail.ru pls.
124
Whitelist application / Re: How to get whitelisted
December 01, 2016, 02:12:50 pm
Quote from: TheFoxButt on December 01, 2016, 11:35:18 am
Yes. I am a new person, yes. Totally not gameman2 and lost my account and bought a new one. Yes. New.


Requesting ‘Chapel of FoxButt’
125
Quote from: Rose on November 28, 2016, 03:02:19 pm
For some reason the forums don't work for me on mobile at the moment, will see if I can figure that out on my end later.
Secondly, I just like a post by Marten and eversince am not able to like anything else. Is that healthy?


Same issue here. Will post screenshots later.
126
Okay, I re-registered and everything's fine again!

http://i.imgur.com/OxYHZ7m.png

I remember clicking on the little title box [Imgurcraft!] so maybe that was the thing. Ppl don't click that. Or do and report here. ;)

Anyway, lost 10 posts, but back on track!  ;D